So I’m working on a random life-story generator for my upcoming medieval combat MMO. Why, I hear you ask? Because it shits me every time you play a game and you’re given a dumb-ass quest like: Salzar pisses you off because he usually stinks of garlic. Kill him.
Actually that’s not a bad idea for a quest. But I digress…
It’s throwing up some pretty funny life stories (or so I think, anyway). Here are some of the more amusing ones:
- Shaian was born in a fortress. He comes from a line of guild members and his entire bloodline is dead due to being kicked by a mule.
I guess it could be possible that your entire ancestry was wiped out by a mule kick. I guess.
- Unaatris was born in a religious institution and raised by chimpanzees.
- Yllarath was born out in the wilderness. She is an only child. You once took advantage of her.
In the wilderness? Or because she’s an only child? Or both? Or neither? Either way, you’re a bad man.
- Marnys was born on a farm and raised in a gang. She comes from a line of beggars. She has 1 sister and they all were born out of wedlock. You hate her.
I’m not sure it’s right to hate this chick because of her social status. The again, she IS pretty low in the pecking order even for the Middle Ages…
- Quotumal was born in a rural hamlet and raised by his uncle Owen and aunt Beru.
- Wandatranna was raised by her master as property. You hate her religion.
Yeah, not sure I want to condone slavery so much, even if it was kosher back then. Oh yeah, religious bigotry probably ain’t that PC anymore either.
- Yenben. You hate him.
Straight to the point. Kill him!
- Ravahana was born in a rural hamlet and raised physically and mentally abused. She comes from a line of career soldiers and mercenaries and his father is unfortunately in prison for life. She has a brother and sister. She has made friends with an ex-gang member.
Wow, that’s a pretty hard-luck tale even for the Middle Ages!
- Victathyra is enemies with an ex-enemy of yours.
Wouldn’t this make her your friend?
- Indzan was born in a scholarly institution. He has recently found enlightenment. You hate him.
I’d hate this hippie too if I knew him in real life.
- Zanroar was born in a major metropolis and raised in an abusive environment. He comes from a line of free labourers and his father is dead, murdered by a random pickpocket. You once foiled his quest and he genuinely annoys you. You hate him with a passion.
OK, I know it was depressing back then, but I really gotta make these people’s lives worth living!
Garbage in, garbage out as they say?